Questions

Spend any time with a 7 year old and you’ll enjoy a never ending series of whys and hows.  Why does that happen? How does that work?  Why can’t we do this?  How can that be?

But somewhere around 13 or 14 years old, questions become things to be avoided.  Nobody wants to raise their hand in class.  Whether its the fear of being judged inadequate or a desire to appear omniscient, questions seem to fall by the wayside.

Surprisingly, this continues well into adulthood.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve given instructions and have been able to see the lack of understanding stamped across the other person’s face.  When I ask, “does that make sense?” I invariably get a “sure” or a head shaking back and forth.  I’ve been in rooms with some of the most fascinating people on the planet, and no one dares ask them any questions.  If they do, the questions are usually either formalities or completely asinine.  It’s mind blowing.

The most successful people I know have a million questions about nearly anything.  Even things they aren’t, or aren’t yet, interested in.  If they don’t know how something works, they want to know.  If they can’t figure out why something operates the way it does, they want to.  It doesn’t matter if they’re talking to the maintenance man or the CEO.  Successful people are always curious about how and why things work.

It’s not hard.  If nothing else, revert to your 7 year old self.  Ask how and why.

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It’s The People Who Realize “I Don’t Know Anything” Who Succeed

In every good piece of legal writing, there is a narrative.  It’s a plain, easily digestible story that the writer wants you to follow.  It cuts through jargon and pomp and circumstance and clues the judge in to what the writer thinks is actually going on.  A good narrative will smooth over or strip away all of the weakest details and magnify those that most support the story being told.  When this happens, as you can readily see in many legal briefs, the narrative soon turns into one of good versus evil.

This is problematic.  The stronger the narrative, the more persuasive the argument.  The more persuasive the argument, the more likely the chance of success.  But success doesn’t always mean the right party prevailed, only the most persuasive party.  By getting swept up in narrative, our objectivity can often be overcome.

The more interesting point is that we actually do this to ourselves, constantly.  We craft narratives about why we can skip today’s gym session, or steal from our employers, or cheat on our wives.  And, the smarter you are, the better the narrative you can craft to convince yourself you’re on the side of good.

Tyler Cowan gave an interesting TedX talk that touches on this topic.  One bit I found particularly good:

One interesting thing about cognitive biases – they’re the subject of so many books these days. There’s the Nudge book, the Sway book, the Blink book, like the one-title book, all about the ways in which we screw up. And there are so many ways, but what I find interesting is that none of these books identify what, to me, is the single, central, most important way we screw up, and that is, we tell ourselves too many stories, or we are too easily seduced by stories.

And why don’t these books tell us that? It’s because the books themselves are all about stories. The more of these books you read, you’re learning about some of your biases, but you’re making some of your other biases essentially worse. So the books themselves are part of your cognitive bias.

Often, people buy them as a kind of talisman, like “I bought this book. I won’t be Predictably Irrational.” It’s like people want to hear the worst, so psychologically, they can prepare for it or defend against it. It’s why there’s such a market for pessimism. But to think that buying the book gets you somewhere, that’s maybe the bigger fallacy. It’s just like the evidence that shows the most dangerous people are those that have been taught some financial literacy. They’re the ones who go out and make the worst mistakes. It’s the people that realize, “I don’t know anything at all,” that end up doing pretty well.

We often pick up some new, exciting piece of information and we immediately want to apply it.  We learn about a fallacy and we want to pop into our knowledge machine like a new bolt, hoping to make it stronger.  And, I believe this is possible.  But don’t get carried away; don’t pretend that because you read a few pages on the sunk-cost fallacy in Sway or Blink you now have a deep understanding of the psychology behind it, and therefore won’t be affected by it.  That, as Cowan explains, is where the real danger lies.

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Can You Live Without Regret?

“Live your life without regret.”  A common refrain from advice givers.  It’s a tempting attitude to adopt.  There seems to be two ways to go about it:

If you define regret merely as sadness or disappointment over something that has happened, you can simply chose not to be sad or disappointed.  If you become a paraplegic, you can choose to view it as something that happened, even something you wish had happened differently, but not view it with sadness.  Follow this mantra, and, by definition, you can live without regret.

Or, you can be proactive, attempting to avoid regret during the decision making process.  Because such an attitude requires quite a bit of forethought for nearly every decision, it probably leads to a happier, or at least more successful, life.

Since most regrets stem from not taking action, the proactive choice should lead us to say yes to more opportunities.  Even if we almost always make great decisions, embracing a lifetime of opportunities will inevitably result in some failures.  And, while failures are in themselves not regrettable, some of them almost certainly will have the potential to be.

And that’s fine.  You will definitely have regrets.  Try to minimize those regrets, by confining them to less important aspects of life, and life will be much better than if you avoided those opportunities altogether.

Of corse, there’s nothing stopping you from adopting both approaches.

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Success and Failure: You’re Thinking About It Wrong

We dream that someday soon, someone will recognize our genius: a big time agent reads our script and signs us; a major creative director sees our work and is compelled to feature it; the CEO reads about a project we helped push through and makes us vice president.

On the other side, we worry that one mistake will be our downfall.  If we don’t close this sale, that’s the end of us.  If we don’t win this argument, we’re through.  If we don’t make our numbers, we’re fired.

It’s easy to think in such extremes, but it rarely works this way in the real world.

We succeed one step at a time.  Empires are built one brick, one follower at a time.  Empires crumble one brick, one follower at a time.  Sure, we can point to many examples of things that appear to become wildly successful overnight, but we never see the work it took to get to that point.  As Monty Hall said: “I’m an overnight success, but it took 20 years.”

This idea of slow, steady growth or decay isn’t exciting or glamorous, but it’s how it works.  We win one at a time, and we lose one at a time.

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Nobody Cares About Your Happiness

If you’re lucky, 10 people might care about your happiness.  That’s it.

Some other people might care whether you show up for work.  They might care whether you perform, which means they care that you’re just happy enough not to quit.  But they don’t care about how happy you truly are.  And because they don’t truly care, they’re not going to help you figure it out.

That’s something you need to do for yourself.  Nobody else is going to do it for you.  Nobody else cares.

Note: this knowledge creates massive opportunity.  If you can show you do actually care about someone else’s happiness, they’ll do just about anything for you.

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Everyone Else Is Smarter Than Me

If you’ve ever watched the Olympics, or professional football or basketball, you know what sheer talent looks like.  Right?  You know what god-given ability looks like: Usain Bolt demolishing runners in every race he enters; Michael Phelps beating the world’s best, not by seconds, but by laps; Kobe Bryant just outclassing everyone, doing things no one else can.

Except that’s bullshit.  Yes, those guys have immense natural talent, more than I do, but it’s not talent that makes those strides, strokes, and fade-aways look effortless.  It’s lots and lots of hard work.  Hours and hours in the gym.  Watching tape.  Practicing fundamentals.  Years of discipline, eating right, sleeping well, taking care of their bodies.  It’s more work than most people could imagine.

And that’s the rub.  The better you are, the more practice you put in, the more effortless it looks.  Most people say “If I had Lebron James’ talent, I would have won 5 championships by now!” But most people wouldn’t even be in the NBA, even with that talent.  The proof is in the fact that thousands of extremely talented players never come close.  Guys with incredible skillsets waste them.  Some are so gifted they make it to the NBA, but barely: they fade away after just a year or two.

Most of what we mistake for raw skill, or raw intelligence, is simply lots and lots of practice.

People think kids who are good at math are super smart.  If you really understand algebra six months before the rest of the class, you look like a genius to everyone around you.  It’s not that you worked hard to understand it and then practiced the techniques for solving each type of problem; no, you’re just smart.  You’re just naturally good at math.

Same bullshit.

The more tools, techniques, strategies, and experience you can amass and keep tucked in the back of your mind, the more problems you can tackle, and the faster you can tackle them.  Learn to find, create, and hone your own tools, and you’ll be unstoppable.  To the outside world, you just appear to be some kind of wizard.  But it has very little to due with raw brainpower.

And again, there’s the rub.  It’s very easy to explain away our failings by claiming that we’re just not smart enough.  We could never do what she did, because she’s a genius.  “C’mon, did you see her answer that calculus question?  It took her like 2 seconds!”  It’s scary to admit that you too could have answered that question that fast, had you spent the four hours to complete the practice problems she did last week.  But it’s also empowering.

So next time you want to give up because everyone else is faster or better or smarter than you, recognize that these adjectives are all choices we make.  There are certainly limitations that might prevent you from ever challenging Kobe Bryant or Steven Hawking, but it’s still your choice to be incredible, or genius.

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Why Taking Time Off To Figure It Out Is A Mistake

Most people I know don’t really know what they want to do with the rest of their lives.  This includes most really successful people I know.  My grandfather, at 80 years old, used to say he didn’t know what he wanted to do when he grew up.

For young people today, there’s this popular idea that the answer to this question is floating out there somewhere: all we need to do is hunt it down and find it.  Maybe it’s in an ashram in India or in a hostel in Hungary.  Maybe it’s in a film class or a cooking seminar.  Maybe it’s at business school or law school.  The frustrating part is that this might be true: your passion might lie in any of those places.  But floating around aimlessly, hoping you stumble onto something you’re passionate about isn’t efficient.  Nor is spending $200,000 in the hopes that the career you pick is something you’ll like.

We forget that passion doesn’t causes success.  Success causes passion.

And because of this, taking time off to figure out what you want to do is ass-backwards.  The opportunity cost is enormous.  A year or two, or three, of lost earnings and experience might cost you several hundred thousand dollars in the short and long run.  Your chance of stumbling on something you’re truly passionate about is low.

The better option is to decide.  Pick something.  Stick with it.  Build a skill in that area, something people will pay good money for.  Then, you can aimlessly float about, being a dilettante, trying to discover your passion.  The funny thing is, once you build that skill, you’ll likely discover that you’ve already found your passion.

Al Pittampalli has some nice thoughts on this issue as well:

 

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“I Have a Problem”

Problems are generally thought of as bad things.  And, for the people afflicted with those problems, they undoubtedly are.

But problems are what drive the service industry.  People’s problems managing or finding time create opportunities for personal assistants, shoppers, organizers, dry cleaners, restaurants, dog walkers, maids, etc., ad nauseum.  People’s problems managing money create opportunities for accountants and personal finance gurus.  People’s problems with physical or mental ailments create opportunities for doctors.  People’s problems with the government, or other people, create opportunities for lawyers.

If you’re in the service industry, your job is to help people solve their problems.

Anytime your phone rings, it’s because someone has a problem that they need help solving.

Recognize this, joyfully, and skillfully, solve their problem, and they’ll come back to you every time they encounter a new problem.

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Steve Jobs on Failure

I’ve never found anyone who didn’t want to help me if I asked them for help.  Most people never pick up the phone and call; most people never ask.  And that’s what separates, sometimes, the people who do things and the people that just dream about them.  You gotta act, and you gotta be willing to fail.  You gotta be willing to crash and burn.  With people on the phone, with starting a company, with whatever.

If you’re afraid of failing, you won’t get very far.

Steve Jobs

Failure can be scary.  Especially if you’ve never failed at anything before.  But all successful people fail.  The most successful people fail constantly.  If you’re not failing on a weekly basis, you’re not trying hard enough.

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The Problem With “No Problem”

“No problem” is almost universal in service industries today.

“Can I get a refill?” “No problem.”

“Could you transfer this money from my checking account to my savings account?” “No problem.”

“Thanks.”  “No problem.”

It may seem innocuous, but it probably has subtle, undesirable effects.  So much so that some premier brands have forbidden their employees from saying it.

As a customer, what two words do you want to hear least?

“No” is probably number one.  If I’m paying you for some service, I don’t want to hear “no”.  Think about how aggravated this makes customers.  “No, sorry, I can’t do that.  It’s against policy.”  “No, we don’t offer that service.”  “No, that’s only for premium members.”

“Problem” is probably number two.  “Sorry sir, there’s a problem with your account.”  Problems are never good.  The world doesn’t work like Monopoly.  Problems don’t ever benefit the customer.

So, if “no” and “problem” are universally loathed words, why the hell would anyone say “no problem”?

Go into any Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons.  Make a normal request of one of their employees.  You will never hear them say “no problem”.  Instead, you’ll hear “my pleasure”.  Make an insane request.  They may not be able to meet it, but you won’t hear “no” or “problem”.

So take it from the Ritz: say “my pleasure” instead of “no problem”.

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You Are Not Too Busy

Richard Branson owns and operates more than 400 companies under his Virgin Group.  He sells everything from music to trips to space.

He sets world records on sailboats and hot-air balloons.

He appears in movies and television shows.  He writes books.

He runs charities and supports a plethora of causes.

He’s involved in politics.

He travels around the world, living on an island in the Caribbean, or in England, or at his game reserve in South Africa, or his palace in Morocco, or at any of the hundreds of places he may be to give a speech, or hold a meeting, or make an appearance, or support some worthy cause.

He does all this, and still finds time to work out every day.

If you really want to accomplish something, plan out the steps you are going to take to accomplish it.  If you don’t really want to accomplish something, move on to something else. Whimpering that you were just “too busy” to do it is delusional.

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Chase Permanent Wins, Then Throw Them Away

When I spend 100 hours working to create a photograph, I produce a finished product.  It’s tangible.  It’s also permanent: I get to look at it forever, anybody can see it, and I can even sell copies of it.

All of those things disappear when I don’t finish.  If I decided to spend 101 hours, or 200 hours, or 500 hours, and never decided that was enough, I don’t have a finished product.  I have a negative or a digital file that, for almost all purposes, doesn’t exist.  It’s not permanent.  Nobody else can see it.  I certainly can’t sell copies of it.

But even worse, not shipping robs me of credibility.  I can’t call myself a photographer if, when you ask to see my work, I can’t point you to it.  If I did, you’d either think I was a liar, or crazy.

If you’re going to put the effort into something to almost finish, just finish.  Even if you think you could do better.  Even if you’re not totally pleased with it.  If the choice is shipping it or letting it languish, shrouded from the world because you think it’s 98% or 95% or 90% completed, ship it.  Then move on.

As Louis C.K. explains, it’s how you become great:

I spent 15 years as a comedian, going in a circle that went nowhere. I hated my act, I had been doing the same hour of comedy for 15 years…and it was shit, I promise you. […]

I was sitting in my car after the show [in a Chinese restaurant] , just feeling like this was all a big mistake: I’m just not good enough; I felt like my jokes were a trap.

In the car I listened to a CD of George Carlin talking about comedy, talking about it seriously.

The thing that blew me away about this fellow was that he kept putting out specials. Every year there would be a new George Carlin special, a new George Carlin album. How did he do it? It made me literally cry, that I could never do that. I did the same jokes for 15 years.

On the CD they ask him, how do you write all this material? And he says, each year I decide I’d be working on that year’s special, then I’d do that special, then I would throw away that material and start again with nothing. And I thought, that’s crazy, how do you throw away? It took me fifteen years to build this shitty hour, and if I throw it away, I got nothing.

But he gave me the courage to try it — and also I was desperate, what else would I do?

This idea that you throw everything away and you start over again. After you are done telling jokes about airplanes and dogs, you throw them away. What do you have left? You can only dig deeper. You start talking about your feelings and who you are. And then you do those jokes until they’re gone.  You gotta dig deeper. So then you start thinking about your fears and your nightmares and doing jokes about that. And then they’re gone. And then you start going into just weird shit.

It’s a process that I watched him do my whole life. And I started to try and do it.

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Politics and the English Language

In 1946, George Orwell wrote an essay that should be read by everyone who needs to convey an idea.  Orwell’s thesis is that clouded language leads to clouded thinking, and so we should strive to choose the words that most appropriately convey what we mean to say.

A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus:  1. What am I trying to say?  2. What words will express it?  3. What image or idiom will make it clearer?  4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?  And he will probably ask himself two more: 1. Could I put it more shortly?  2. Have I said anything that is unavoidably ugly?

Orwell wasn’t concerned with word choice because of his love of Shakespearean sound or his disdain for youthful talk.  He recognized that the “slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts”:

In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defense of the indefensible.  Thus political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness.  Defenseless villages are bombarded from the air, the inhabitants driven out into the countryside, the cattle machine-gunned, the huts set on fire with incendiary bullets: this is called pacification.  Millions of peasants are robbed of their farms and sent trudging along the roads with no more than they can carry: this is called transfer of population or rectification of frontiers.  Such phraseology is need if one wants to name things without calling up mental pictures of them.

And so, Orwell leaves us with six rules for good writing:

  1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
  2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
  3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
  4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
  5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
  6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
It’s easy enough to fill pages and blogposts with words that don’t mean anything, or mean less than they should.  It’s easy enough to choose words that hide your true feelings.  That’s what separates writing that no one cares about from writing that can’t be put down.  It’s impossible to read George Orwell or Christopher Hitchens without understanding how each felt about the subject.  The right words allow sincerity to shine through.
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The Hardest Thing About Learning

The hardest thing about learning is figuring out what you don’t know.

If you can key in on the small concept you don’t understand, you can avoid having to repeatedly sift through the entirety of the subject matter, hoping to get pricked by that elusive needle as you fist through the haystack.

This may seem obvious, but it’s difficult to remember to do this when you’re frustratedly reviewing a mountain of information for the third time.

When I’m tasked with researching some obscure point of law, it’s very easy to get lost in the details of each case I’m forced to read.  It’s usually easy to form a broad understanding of what’s going on, but it’s often more difficult to understand how all these things affect my unique  problem.  If I don’t stop and identify exactly what it is I’m after, I can spend hours reviewing an endless number of cases, hoping understanding will strike as I blindly comb through them.

This isn’t very efficient.

Instead, any learning process should focus on the missing pieces, the important concepts you don’t understand.  You can identify these gaps any number of ways, though practice problems and the Feynman Technique work particularly well.  Then, focus on conquering those bits you don’t fully grasp, and the rest will fall into place quite easily.

Even though this incredibly effective, most people won’t do this.  There’s a psychological barrier: it’s far easier to practice doing the things you’re already good at than it is to admit you don’t understand something and then confront it.  So break through that barrier.  Not only will you be much better off, others are unlikely to follow.

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Giving Thanks

A great way to give thanks for the privileges we’ve got is to do important work.

Your job, your internet access, your education, your role in a civilized society… all of them are a platform, a chance to do art, a way for you to give back and to honor those that enabled you to get to this point.

For every person reading this there are a thousand people (literally a thousand) in underprivileged nations and situations that would love to have your slot. Don’t waste it.

-Seth Godin

2011 was a pretty fantastic year.  We accomplished some major things, did some good work, helped people along the way, and made the world at least a tiny bit better for at least a few people.  None of the things I’ve done this year would have been possible without those around me, my family, and those who treat me like family, in particular.  So thank you all.

That said, the goals yet to be accomplished far outpace what we’ve accomplished thus far. Here’s to a healthy and productive 2012.  Let’s get to work.

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