Thanksgiving

It’s nice that Americans (and Canadians) have a holiday dedicated to giving thanks.  But, it would be nicer still if we made an effort to do this more than once a year, especially if we could do it without being distracted by turkey and football.

Marcus Aurelius, Emperor or the Roman Empire and arguably the most powerful man in the entire world from 161-180, didn’t spend his time lounging on luxurious sofas while eating grapes and being fanned by half naked women: in addition to working his ass off, he constantly practiced giving thanks.  In fact, the first Book in his treatise to himself, Meditations, is called, depending on the translation, Debts and Lessons.  It’s something he constantly added to, and constantly re-read, to remind himself of who he owed for the lessons he had learned.

This is a fantastic practice.  Not only is it a great record of the things you learn, but its a great way to foster relationships.  A recording system like this does two things: it makes you much more appreciative of those who help you when you actually acknowledge, in writing, what they’ve taught you or how they’ve helped you, and it allows you to specifically thank people for those contributions well into the future.

If someone provides some insight for you, or teaches you some lesson, and you’re able to specifically tell them (1) what they said, (2) how you applied it and (3) how that helped your life, a month, a year, or a decade into the future, that is powerful.

Imagine the feeling you would get if someone said to you “Hey, remember that nugget you gave me 2 years ago?  Well, that changed my life.  Because of that, I did X, and Y happened.  I can’t thank you enough.”

Wow.  You’ve put that guy’s ego on a rocket ship, and you’ve got a fan for life.  Even if it’s a small thing, the fact that you thought about it enough to implement it and then thank them for it goes beyond flattery.  It’s perceived as deep respect, the kind that “Oh, that thing you said was real smart!” could never reach.

This all starts with systematically giving thanks.  To make sure I do this every day, “Thank You” is at the bottom of my time tracking template.

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If It’s Not Hard, You’re Doing Something Wrong

A lot of people complain about how hard their work is.  Recognize that this isn’t a bad thing.  In fact, not only is doing really hard work an incredibly good problem to have, it’s necessary to success.

It’s hard, but if we weren’t doing something hard, we’d have no business.  The only reason we aren’t swamped by our competition is because what we do is hard, and we do it better than anyone else.  If it ever gets too easy, start looking for a tidal wave of competition to wash us away.

Tony Hseih, founder of Zappos

Hard work doesn’t mean rocket science.  It doesn’t mean moving boulders uphill.  While it can be either of those things, it can be hard work just selling shoes online.  As Tony Hseih discovered, getting shoe producers to agree to sell you shoes, creating a distribution system, managing inventory, building a great team and great systems, all of this was incredibly hard work.  It’s why no one has matched Zappos’ success.

Wal-Mart is in the same business as the country store.  Except it’s not.  Sam Walton worked incredibly hard to set up the most advanced distribution system on the planet, a system that even today competitors haven’t managed to outdo.

There’s hard work to be done all around us.  All of it is an opportunity.

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Why You Don’t Really Believe In Yourself

“You just have to believe in yourself.”

We hear this all the time.  Professional athletes toss off this one-liner so frequently we hear it without even thinking about it anymore.  Of course you have to believe in yourself.  I believe in myself.  You believe in yourself.  We all believe in ourselves.  This is the inherent self-esteem of a generation weaned on years of participation trophies.

Except we don’t all believe in ourselves.  Hardly anyone does.  Really believes, I mean.

We see it constantly.  Everyone knows people who can’t finish school or hold down a job.  People who continually sabotage or undermine their careers or relationships by making stupid choices.  People who don’t even attempt to make changes because of their fear of failure.

Our media reflects a culture that’s been saturated with fear and self- doubt.  We love to guffaw over things like Rick Perry’s brainfart.  Even our entertainment oozes with schadenfreude: “Can you believe what skanky losers those Jersey Shore kids are?  OMG can you believe what a fraud Kim Kardashian is?  We may not be rich, or famous, or talented, but at least were not as pathetic as those people.”  We’re a society of schoolyard bullies.

So how do we really get to believe in ourselves?

By accomplishing something.

This is so obvious, so fundamental, but it seems like an entire society is overlooking this.  It bears repeating: the only way to ever truly believe in yourself is to accomplish something.

Lets break this down:  “Believing in yourself” is really a roundabout way of saying “Believing in your capabilities“.  If you’ve never accomplished anything, how can you possibly know what your capabilities are?  If you’ve never accomplished anything, your claimed “belief in yourself” is nothing more than varnish, easily scratched or weathered off.  All the bravado in the world won’t replace the conviction in your skills and abilities that comes from having relied on them in the past, and having succeeded.  And the only way you can build those skills and abilities, the only way you get through the many failures that come before success, is through commitment.

So, at its core, belief in yourself comes from belief in your abilities, which comes from honing those skills, which requires commitment.

Bonus: to those who are afraid of committing to one thing because they don’t think they have the passion, or motivation, or interest in that narrow subject, I have good news: you don’t have to motivate yourself if you’re committed.  The motivation automatically falls into place when you truly commit.  The passion comes after success, not before.

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Do It Because You’re Bad At It

From 0 to 18, we’re constantly doing stuff we’re bad at.  It starts out with just being by ourselves at night, then walking, then talking.  Eventually, we go off to school.  We’re out of our comfort zones, meeting all kinds of new people in a new environment, with new rules and new authorities.  We’re forced to learn a wide variety of subjects, most of which we’re not very good at.  Even if you’re spectacular at math, you’ve still got to take English.  And history.  And science.  And art.  And Spanish.  And P.E.  If we do well enough, we go to college, where we get to do a little more of what we’re good at, but we’re still forced to do a lot of stuff we’re bad it.

And then, we’re done.  For the most part, we can decide to only do the things we’re good at.  For the rest of our lives.  Bad at math?  Well, no more math problems; we’ve got a calculator and a copy of Excel.  Anything more complicated than that and it’s not our problem.  Bad at writing?  No more essays for us.  Uncoordinated?  No need to suffer through organized sports anymore.

And so it goes.  Everybody specializes to one degree or another, and professionals do it even more than anyone else.  The things we get good at, we tend to repeat over and over again.  Why shouldn’t we?  We’re good at them, and it makes us money.

There’s a huge downside though.  By not improving at the stuff we’re bad at, we’re leaving ourselves at a huge disadvantage.  The ability to combine knowledge and skill from multiple disciplines is crucial these days, not only to spur innovation and get ahead, but to keep from being trampled.  Think of all the industries that are undergoing seismic shifts right now: publishing, music, and entertainment (both television and cinema) all spring immediately to mind as industries where great numbers of people who made fantastic livings five years ago are struggling to get by.  If you only do one thing well, what happens when that thing is no longer as valuable as it once was?

The key to learning how to do things we’re bad at is to overcome two big mental blocks:

  1. Nobody wants to look like an ass
  2. Nobody wants to feel incompetent

The more skilled you are at something, the more successful you’ve become in one area, the bigger these blocks are likely to be.  Teenagers look like asses all the time, so it’s not a big deal to flub a line in Spanish class or make a horrible looking book cover.  But, if you’re a big time surgeon, where you’re used to being supremely knowledgeable and well respected, getting something wrong feels a lot different.  If you’re a hot shot attorney who’s used to always having the right answer or the perfect retort, not knowing what the hell you’re doing feels incredibly uncomfortable.  Recognize these things, accept them, and move on.  If you really can’t accept them, if you’re ego’s too massive, do something you’re bad at in a private setting.

The benefits are tremendous.  Not only will you get good at something else, something that may open up a whole new avenue in something you’re currently working on or may even spawn a new career, you’ll build momentum.  When new things you’re bad at come along, they’ll be easier to tackle.  Once you’ve accomplished one thing you were formerly terrible at, everything else looks less scary by comparison.  The next time you wander across something you’re bad at, you’ll know you can handle it because you’ve accomplished things that you were terrible at in the past.

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Everything’s Amazing And Nobody’s Happy

Louis C.K. says it well. Even in these times, life is still so amazing that people just 4 generations ago literally couldn’t even dream of the lifestyles we take for granted.

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How To Have Smarter Kids

An interesting new study finds that children whose younger siblings are born more than two years later have higher reading and math skills than children whose siblings are born sooner.  The researchers think this stems, at least in part, from the extra time the kids get during those first formative years, before all their parents’ time gets sucked up by the newborn.

Here’s the abstract:

This paper investigates the effect of the age difference between siblings (spacing) on  educational achievement. We use a sample of women from the 1979 NLSY, matched to reading  and math scores for their children from the NLSY79 Children and Young Adults Survey. OLS  results suggest that greater spacing is positively associated with test scores for older siblings, but not for younger siblings.  However, because we are concerned that spacing may be correlated  with unobservable characteristics, we also use an instrumental variables strategy that exploits  variation in spacing driven by miscarriages that occur between two live births. The IV results  indicate that a one-year increase in spacing increases test scores for older siblings by about 0.17  standard deviations—an effect comparable to estimates of the effect of birth order.  Especially close spacing (less than two years) decreases scores by 0.65 SD.  These results are larger than the OLS estimates, suggesting that estimates that fail to account for the endogeneity of spacing may understate its benefits.  For younger siblings, there appears to be no causal impact of spacing on test scores.

Interesting stuff, and it makes complete sense.  Something to think about for those of you deciding if/when to have your next kid.

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The Long View

In Amazon’s first shareholder letter, published in 1997, the first subsection was titled, “It’s all about the long term.”  Jeff Bezos explains why:

If everything you do needs to work on a three-year time horizon, then you’re competing against a lot of people. But if you’re willing to invest on a seven-year time horizon, you’re now competing against a fraction of those people, because very few companies are willing to do that. Just by lengthening the time horizon, you can engage in endeavors that you could never otherwise pursue. At Amazon we like things to work in five to seven years. We’re willing to plant seeds, let them grow—and we’re very stubborn. We say we’re stubborn on vision and flexible on details.

In some cases, things are inevitable. The hard part is that you don’t know how long it might take, but you know it will happen if you’re patient enough. Ebooks had to happen. Infrastructure web services had to happen. So you can do these things with conviction if you are long-term-oriented and patient.

It’s hard to stick to the long view.  Not just because you have all sorts of short-term pressures to worry about, but because it’s really, really hard to have any idea what’s going to happen in five years.

But, it’s not so hard to see what people’s goals are.  If you focus on the goals, and work backwards, life gets much easier.

People are always going to want to read on the go.  If you could figure out how to make the book version of the iPod, this would be tremendously popular.  The fact that the requisite technology didn’t exist to make that happen when the iPod came out didn’t mean that Bezos abandoned the goal, or the idea.  It just meant he had to have a longer view of how to accomplish that goal.

And, as it usually does, taking the long view certainly paid off.

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The Problem With Old People

They’re afraid of breaking shit.

Put some technology in their hands, and they’re afraid to do anything.

“I don’t want to break it.”  “What if I mess something up?”

So, of course they never learn how to use it.  You can’t learn how something works if you don’t rip it apart.  There’s a risk that you won’t be able to put it back together, but there’s almost zero risk that nobody will no how to put it back together.

When I was a kid, I had total impunity to break whatever I could.  There was no way I was going to do something to a computer that dad wouldn’t know how to fix.  Unless I physically destroyed something, there was no puzzle or lock, or mechanical piece that he couldn’t put back together.  And guess what?  I learned how a lot of shit works.

Sadly, and to be fair to old people, this problem no longer seems as confined to them as it did 10 years ago.  I see more and more kids these days afraid to use things, afraid of breaking things, and generally having no idea how anything works.

The truth is, most of the stuff in our world isn’t that fragile.  “Broken” is now a relative term.  The chance of you rendering something beyond repair, short of shredding it, is about nil.  Just about everything can be fixed.  Even if you fuck up something serious, like a medical procedure or a legal proceeding, most of the time it’s fixable.

So go break something.

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The Danger of Being Self-Deprecating

Being self-deprecating can be extremely useful, especially if you wield any sort of power or authority.  Making fun of yourself, or belittling your own skills, can put other people at ease, can make people like you, and strangely enough, make people trust you.

But, there’s a fine line.  Cross it, and people actually start to believe your criticism.

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Be The Stream

A stream.  Fresh water bubbles up through the ground or down from the mountain.  It’s clear, and fresh, and sweet.

No matter what you do to the water, it remains clear, and fresh, and sweet.

You can throw mud, or rocks, or waste, or filth into it, and the water will carry it away, and the stream will remain clear, and fresh, and sweet.  You can change its path, but still it flows.

A well.  Fresh water bubbles up through the ground, or is poured in from above.  It’s clear, and fresh, and sweet.  Better yet, a well isn’t as fickle as the stream: it doesn’t swell and shrink with the seasons.  A well also serves as a place to store as much clear, fresh, sweet water as you’d like.

But a well is fragile.  Throw anything in it and the water spoils.  If there is waste or filth nearby, the well is soon filled with waste and filth.  The well is also stationary, its brittle walls susceptible to even minor pressures.

It’s much better to be the stream.

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Money Is Not Wealth

Imagine if you suddenly had the power to make anything you thought about appear in front of you.  *Juicy Steak*  Zap.  A sizzling, pink New York with a great crust on your kitchen table.  *Rolls Royce*  Boom.  Brand new Phantom in your garage.  *Hologram TV*  Pow.  Something that doesn’t even exist, right in your living room.  If you had this power, you’d never need money, right?

So, intuitively, we understand money isn’t what we’re really after.  Wealth is what we want.  Whether it’s houses or cars or futuristic technology, or even just food and clean water, it’s the wealth that money moves around that we care about.  No shit, right?  Not a huge revelation.  But, thinking about making money, the stuff we don’t really care about, instead of acquiring wealth, the stuff we do care about, can make it harder to figure out how to get where you want to go.

Why We Have Money

If the world only had two valuable goods, corn and water for instance, nobody would need money.  This should be obvious: if half the people spent their days growing corn and half the people spent their days getting clean water, you should be able to trade a certain amount of water for a certain amount of corn, and vice versa, at any time.  There’s no need for some other medium of exchange when all you can buy is water or corn.

But of course, there are hundreds of thousands of valuable goods, not two.  If someone spends their day mining uranium, but none of the people who grow corn want uranium, how does the miner get to eat?  Money solves this problem.  It allows the miner to give the farmer something he can exchange for what he really wants.  Money is the natural result of specialization.

The Confusion

Outwardly, all we see is that the farmer wants money.  His prices are listed in dollars, or gold, or whatever the local currency is.  But, as we know, the farmer doesn’t really want money.  He wants a new tractor, or a barn, or some overalls, or whatever.  But he doesn’t want schlep around with a sack of corn, hoping that Lamborghini, or the barn builder, or the seamstress really needs 380 pounds of corn.  Instead, he trades his corn for money.

And that’s what farmers, or craftsman, or businesses do.  They don’t make money.  They provide people with something people want.  Whether it’s making a bunch of words appear at your doorstep in the form of a book, or enabling you to communicate with anyone around the entire world in the form of an iPhone, businesses provided people with wealth.  In exchange for providing that wealth, they get money in return, which the businesses or their owners can use to move wealth around however they want.

Creating Wealth

The central idea of creating wealth is not acquiring dollar bills, but providing something other people want.  While there may be a limit on the amount of gold or the number of dollar bills in circulation at any given time, there is no limit on wealth.  People will always want stuff they don’t have, so there is always an opportunity to create wealth.  Whether it’s inventing the next great gadget, or merely delivering a book to my house, anything you do that another person finds valuable enough to give you wealth for in return necessarily creates wealth.

Artists and craftsman know this well.  If you can take a blank canvas and splash some paint on it so it looks great, you’ve just created wealth.  Before, there was just a canvas, which are a dime a dozen, and some paint in a can, also a dime a dozen.  But by skillfully combining the two, you’ve created something other people want.  You know other people want it because they’ll pay for it, and they’ll pay more than simply the cost of the canvas and paint.  You’ve just created wealth.

Wealth is not Zero-Sum

Clearly, no one else is poorer because you painted that canvas.  No one had to lose wealth when you created wealth.  When you think about it in these terms, as opposed to thinking about “money”, it is so obviously that there’s not a fixed amount of wealth in the world.

So, remember, money does not equal wealth.  Wealth is what we want, not money.  Wealth is created whenever you do something other people want.  Do lots of things other people want, or one thing lots of other people want, and you will acquire a lot of wealth.

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How To Befriend Anyone

When Ben Franklin was running for Clerk of the General Assembly, one of his colleagues delivered a speech to the legislature skewering him.  This was a problem, because this was a guy Franklin couldn’t afford to just start a feud with.  Franklin described him as “a gentleman of fortune and education” who was sure to one day be powerful, and thus definitely a person Franklin wanted on his team.

Franklin was already a rising celebrity and all around genius: not only did he run various clubs attended by other future luminaries, he was also widely known as a printer: he printed the most widely read newspaper in the colonies, an almanac, and the state’s paper money.  Perhaps because of this status, or because he knew such an approach simply wouldn’t work anyway, he wanted to do something to win over this colleague without “paying any servile respect to him.”  So instead of groveling at this colleague’s feet or heaping praise on him, he asked to borrow a “vary scarce and curious book” from this colleague’s library.

As a printer, voracious reader, and prolific writer, Franklin was known to have a keen sense for literature.  The colleague, not surprisingly, was flattered.  He lent Franklin the book.  Franklin sent a nice thank you note.  The two were fast friends until the colleague’s death.

There are two lessons here.  The first is based in psychology: cognitive dissonance actually makes you like people you do favors for.  The harder and more painful the favor, the more you like the person.  It’s our self-delusional way of justifying why we do things.  (“Well, helping Jim moved really sucked.  I must really like him.”)

The second lesson isn’t really from Ben Franklin at all.  Sometimes, especially if you’re an asshole, you won’t be able to convince people to do favors for you.  What do you do then?  You provide them with value.  As Keith Ferrazzi explains in Never Eat Alone:

The best way to approach utility is to give help first, and not ask for it.  If there is someone whose knowledge you need, find a way to be of use to that person.  Consider their needs and how you can assist them.  If you can’t help them specifically, perhaps you can contribute to their charity, company, or community.  You have to be prepared to give back to your mentors and have them know that from the outset.  Before Pat [CEO of Deloitte] would consider having dinner with me [a recent college grad] three times a year, he had to know that I would be committed to his firm.  That’s how I found myself so early on in a trusted position that later turned into a friendship. (p. 281)

When you provide value, you’ve begun to build a relationship.  When you provide value, you earn the opportunity to ask for favors.  When someone does you a favor, you’re right back to Ben Franklin.

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The Joy of Swearing

It’s not necessary.  As if that should stop one from doing it.  It’s not necessary to have colored socks.  Things not being necessary is what makes life interesting.  Little extras in life.

Stephen Fry

Great thoughts from Stephen Fry on swearing, though they apply much more broadly as well.

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Other People’s Faults

It’s silly to try to escape other people’s faults.  They are inescapable.  Just try to escape your own.

– Marcus Aurelius, Book 7, ¶ 71

The ironic bit is, once you do escape some your own faults, you unthinkingly tend to surround yourself with people who have managed to escape some of theirs as well.

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You CAN Argue With Success

Arguing with failure is pretty tough.  By definition, there’s nothing left to argue with.  It’s dead.  You can argue about failure, who’s to blame, or what caused this or that to happen, but there’s usually not a whole lot to argue about.  Generally it’s pretty clear why something failed.

Success on the other hand, is definitely something you can argue with.  Is it actually successful?  Is it causing more problems over there than it’s solving over here?  Is it accomplishing what it’s supposed to?  Is it doing that properly?  Fairly?  Should it be accomplishing something else instead?  Of course, you can also argue about success as well: why is it successful?  Was it luck?  Timing?  Is it feature X or feature Y that people are really enamored with?  Is it just the marketing?

It’s really hard to argue with success.  That’s why so few people do it.  If it’s even possible, it’s going to take a lot of work to unravel why something works well.  It’s even harder to tell if something new is going to work even better.  But, when you do argue with success, the rewards can be phenomenal.

John Rockefeller argued with success.  Before he came around, whale oil was so successful we were starting to run out of whales.

Michael Dell argued with success.  Before he came around, computers were sold in stores, and those stores were making a killing.

Steve Jobs argued with success.  Before he came around, computing was done on mainframes, and companies like IBM were immensely profitable.  Before he came around again, animation was done by hand, and Disney created an empire.  Before he came around again, computing was done on desktops and laptops, and the likes of HP, Dell and Compaq were behemoths.

So, argue with success.  Maybe it’ll change everything.

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