Friends are important. They may have a bigger influence on the direction of your life than anything else. So isn’t it strange that some of our closest friends just happen to be people we stood next to on the bus every day, or sat next to in history class? Why is that?
You should be able to tell a friend anything.
But, before you do, you have to judge that person’s character. Is that a person you could tell anything to?
If he is, he’s a friend. And you should share with him. Treat him as loyal, and you will make him loyal. He doesn’t have to be, and he won’t be, perfect in all respects. His flaws don’t necessarily mean he should be abandoned or cordoned off. Take note of them, but don’t judge him after he is a friend.
If he’s not a person you could tell anything to, he’s shouldn’t be considered a friend. He can be an acquaintance, or a respected colleague, or a peer, or an equal, or a gentleman, or an unlimited number of other things, but recognize him as that.
Those people that judge a person after they have made him a friend have it backwards. And, as you’ve undoubtedly seen, many of these relationships end badly. They end badly not necessarily because the mislabeled friends are bad people, but because the labeler put the cart before the horse. He turned a peer into a friend, then realized he revealed things to someone he shouldn’t have. At that point, it’s too late. Those who fear being deceived often teach others to deceive them; by their suspiciousness they give them the right to do wrong.
So, don’t pick friends just based on proximity. If need be, use a probationary period, where you can really investigate someone’s character before deciding whether they are a friend, or something else.
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“Those who fear being deceived often teach others to deceive them; by their suspiciousness they give them the right to do wrong.” Could you expand on this?